I had a bit of a revelation this morning while cleaning the bathroom. Yes, odd I know, but I often have deep thoughts while cleaning the bathrooms. Whether it be from inhaling the cleaners or all the blood rushing to my head while leaning over the bathtub or just because the running water drowns out my kids' yelling and I can actually process my thoughts, who knows? But, I do a lot of deep thinking while cleaning the bathrooms.
Anyway, my deep thought for the day is that I've traded one guilt for another since I've quit work to stay home. While I was working, I felt guilty because the kids were in daycare all day. I felt guilty because the laundry was never caught up and the house was never clean. I felt guilty because we ate fast food more than we ate home cooking. Now that I don't work outside the home, I feel guilty because I don't contribute to the family income. I feel guilty because I think it puts more stress on Burge as the sole provider for the family, even though I think he would say it's less stressful for him than worrying if our kids were being cared for appropriately. At least I hope he feels that way. I feel guilty if I'm not doing something every minute of the day. I think I feel like since taking care of our household is my job now I shouldn't ever sit down. Ever. Which is really stupid, because when I had a paying job, it's not like I worked the whole time I was there...uh, did I say that out loud?
But here's the kicker...I feel guilty because I actually enjoy what I do now. I mean, this is supposed to be my job now, I'm not supposed to be having fun while doing it, right? But I do...I love every minute of it. Because when I'm scrubbing the toilets (which is my least favorite thing to be doing at home), that's still better than my best day at any paying job. I'll take it!
My point is, I think, that "mommy guilt" is inevitable. It comes in all shapes and forms, but it's there. All we can do is just know we've done the best we can. And that our kids won't remember much of it anyway...