Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Finding Your Passion

As I was vacuuming my floors this morning, I got to thinking. As you may recall, I do most of my deep thinking while I’m cleaning, because the vacuum drowns out all the screaming. On a side note, if you’ve never seen what happens when a Dyson meets a wiffle ball, I highly recommend you try that experiment. The Dyson folks are not lying about the whole “no loss of suction” business.

Anyway, today I was thinking about the things I’m passionate about. Today I was passionate about clean floors. I wasn’t just vacuuming because I had to, because it’s my job, or because I was obligated to. I was doing it because I truly like clean floors. But not only that, I actually enjoy the process of cleaning my floors. It’s very satisfying for me. I am passionate about cleaning my floors. But you know what? Not everyone is passionate about clean floors. Some people are passionate about neat closets. Or clean toilets. Or shiny sinks. Or mowing grass. God does not give us all the same passions. And you know what else? That’s okay. Because if we all did whatever it is God has given us a passion for the whole house would be clean.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

I used to have a hard time saying no to just about anything. If someone asked me to do it, I would. Whether I was passionate about it or not. Because I felt obligated to. Because I felt guilty that I might let someone down. I don’t do that anymore. Slowly, I’m learning to only do the things God has given me a passion for. Because if I’m doing someone else’s passion, what are they doing? Or it may be that God has not given anyone a passion for that particular thing because that’s not where He wants our focus to be right then.

Now I will be the first to admit that there have been times when I’ve been passion-less. I had no passion for anything. And yet, I still filled positions. I still said yes when people asked me to do something. And I was wrong. I should have gotten where God wanted me to be, prayed for His passion to become my passion and served wherever that was.

So basically what I’m saying is if the passion God gave you is mowing grass, have the snazziest lawn on your street. If your passion is a shiny sink, shine that sink to the best of your ability. Don’t try to mow the grass or clean the floors. You’ll just wind up burning out and your house will be a mess.

“I want you to think about how all this makes you more significant, not less. A body isn't just a single part blown up into something huge. It's all the different-but-similar parts arranged and functioning together. If Foot said, "I'm not elegant like Hand, embellished with rings; I guess I don't belong to this body," would that make it so? If Ear said, "I'm not beautiful like Eye, limpid and expressive; I don't deserve a place on the head," would you want to remove it from the body? If the body was all eye, how could it hear? If all ear, how could it smell? As it is, we see that God has carefully placed each part of the body right where he wanted it.” 1 Corinthians 12:14-18, The Message

Monday, October 19, 2009

The Oh-So Exciting Weekend

Last week was full of me avoiding housework and laundry by playing with Grayson and getting caught up with DVR’ed television. Well, I almost got caught up with the DVR; I’m still a Survivor episode behind as well as a couple of days of General Hospital. I usually have to let General Hospital go when the fall TV season begins and pick it back up when the reruns start, but they are messing me up this year by bringing the original Lucky Spencer back and I just can’t miss that. Yes, I lead an incredibly full and exciting life.

Not really sure where I was headed before that little TV tangent, but needless to say, not a whole lot got accomplished around here last week. And then the weekend rolled around and we interrupted our regularly scheduled program of eating Chex mix and watching college football for pottery painting and a family reunion.

Now here’s where a good blogger would insert pictures displaying said pottery painting and family reunion, but I don’t think there’s any illusion left that I’m a good blogger. And seriously, there was just no way pictures were going to happen at the pottery party because a 2 year old one man wrecking ball and a room full of breakable pottery? Yeah, I don't think so.

The family reunion was another story. I should have taken pictures there, but I left my camera at home and barbecue and homemade chocolate pies were calling my name, and I wasn’t going to miss that to go back home to get it. I mean, I had already given up eating Chex mix in my pajamas while watching football, I wasn’t giving up chocolate pie too. So, that’s why there are no pictures to liven up this incredibly boring weekend recap. Aren't you sorry you missed it?

Monday, October 12, 2009

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Kids really do say the darnedest things. I hope I can remember them all so that when Abby has a boyfriend (you know, like when she’s 25) I can whip them out and embarrass her.

Here’s a few…

Abby doesn’t have memories, she has “rememberies”.

It’s not using your noodle, it’s using your “doodle”.

There’s a show on Noggin called “Olivia”, however Abby will argue up and down that it’s called “Olydia”.

And not to leave Grayson out, last week on his birthday I mentioned several times that he was 2 now, and every time I said it, he would say “No more.” I guess 1 was such a good year, he didn’t want to leave it…

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Party Like a 2 Year Old

We celebrated Grayson’s second birthday this past Saturday. His actual birthday is not until the 8th, but I like to have the parties early so that the actual birthday is anticlimactic. Not really, but it does always seem to happen that way.

I have no inclination that before Saturday Grayson had any idea what a party was or a present, for that matter. He certainly knew what cake was beforehand, and anything on top of that was just, well, icing on the cake. Har-har. He did not like being sung to, but was all over blowing out the candles. He didn’t even spit on the cake as he was blowing out the candles. Much.

Grayson' 005

The cake…Yes, I made it. No, I did not pay someone money to write in a first-grader’s handwriting on Grayson’s cake.

Grayson' 021

Waiting on the cake…Fortunately, almost two-year-olds don’t really care what the cake looks like as long as they get to eat it.

Grayson' 023

Here’s Grayson, not liking the singing of “Happy Birthday”. We tried not to take any offense at his obvious disgust of our vocal abilities.

Grayson' 026

Blowing out the candles…Somehow, that is just instinctual.

Grayson' 032

Ah, yes, eating the cake. He cannot be slowed down by the use of silly things like utensils.

Grayson' 044

“Where are these presents everyone keeps talking about?”

Grayson' 060

Getting to know Thomas. Thomas is frighteningly real. In case you were wondering.

Grayson' 074

Handy Manny’s Talking Toolbox was a huge hit. Also, possibly the loudest toy ever made. In case you were wondering.

Grayson' 075

“Is that all? I was just getting the hang of this present-opening thing!”

Grayson' 079

“Flicker is fun!”

Friday, October 2, 2009

Booster Seat Driver

Abby is five. Abby has never been behind the wheel of a car (I realize that this should be a given, but these days, you just never know). Yet, Abby has started giving me driving “advice”. Do you know what’s worse than a 63 year old backseat driver that you can’t yell at because she’s your mother? I’ll tell you, it’s a 5 year old backseat driver that you can’t yell at because she’s your daughter.

It started with questions about why you do certain things while driving. “Why are we slowing down?” “Why are we stopping?” “Why did you call that man stupid? We don’t say that word.” Ahem.

And then it progressed to directives. “You should watch what you’re doing instead of talking to Grayson.” “You should slow down because you are going to miss our turn.” “Don’t forget our driveway is right up here.”

Now I’m just saying, if you might be someone who might be prone to bouts of road rage (not that I know anyone like that), that can be just slightly annoying. So, I had to sit down with Abby and nicely explain that until she had a driver’s license or had at least been behind the wheel of a vehicle, she wasn’t allowed to give me driving advice. Or until she has been through driver’s ed, and I’m pretty sure they don’t teach that in kindergarten.

You know, I’m sure her teenage years are just going to be full of hugs and giggles, since she already knows more than me. I’m going to start praying now…

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

How to Break Up with a Morning Show…Step 1

This morning I was folding sheets, which incidentally is my most abhorred laundry task. Seriously, I hate folding sheets more than matching socks, and that, my friends, is saying a lot. It should be a relatively simple task. 3 beds X 4 pieces per bed = 12 pieces to be folded. But those fitted sheets! They are a thorn in my side. And don’t send me any links to Martha showing me the “easy” way to do it on YouTube. I’ve seen it, and I still can’t get them to fold neatly.

Anyway, I digress. As I folded the demonic fitted sheets, I had the Today show on. The Today show is my morning show of choice. I really like Meredith and Al and Matt, most of the time. I trust Dr. Nancy Snyderman almost as much as my own doctor. But today, I got a wee bit irritated with my friends at the Today show. They had a lady from Southern Living on showing creative ways to decorate with pumpkins. And they were a bit condescending to her, almost making fun of her at times.

A lady from THE Southern Living. Making fun of her. On TV.

Now, there are two staples in any southern lady’s library: the Bible and Southern Living. Both have stood the test of time, and both show us the proper way to live, albeit only one with the creative use of pumpkins. And you don’t mess with either one of them. Period.

You northerners can take your Martha and her fancy way to fold fitted sheets (THAT DOES NOT WORK!), and we’ll keep our tried and true Southern Living. Because we want to know how to make a dip bowl out of a pumpkin, how to host an elegant dinner party with barbecue as the main dish (Have you ever had barbecue, Martha?) and where the best bakery is in Rome (as in Georgia, folks).

And Today, I’ve got my eye on you. That’s strike one. Two more and I’ll be moving on to Diane and Robin. Consider yourselves warned.

Monday, September 28, 2009

I’m a loser…

I’m a loser.  There, I said it.  I’m a big ol’ fat loser.  Not to make excuses as to why it is I have not written anything in over a month here (for the 4 of you that noticed and the 2 of you who care), but this “mommy gig” has gotten hard lately.  Abby started school, and things fell apart around here.  We had a pretty good schedule going on (and we all know how much I like schedules), and then Abby had to go and want to get all educated and our schedule got shot to you-know-where. 

And a month later, that’s still pretty much where it is.  In theory, having only one child at home during peak performance hours should make things easier.  However, not so much when the aforementioned child likes to have me in his line of sight at all times.  Not to mention I have to schedule everything around dropping Abby off and picking Abby up.  Now that I think of it, if I spent as much time being productive as I have analyzing why I am not productive, I would probably be getting more stuff done.  But then I wouldn’t have this fascinating post to write.

So anyway, last week was better.  If this week improves as much, I should be back on track in no time.  But I make no promises, because after all, I am a loser.

In other news, you might have noticed my fancy new background and header. Yeah, I did that myself. Not that I’m bragging or anything, because let’s face it, it’s not that great.  But it was my first attempt, so be prepared to see more changes.  And please, don’t shy away from telling me if it’s a big, hot mess.  Most of the time I have to work on such is the wee hours of the night (see the above scheduling problems), and I do not think all that clearly or objectively at those times.

And now, because I feel like if you haven’t written a post in a month, there ought to be some pictures thrown in.  Here are some random pictures of Grayson with his new “big boy” bed and Abby at my first chaperoning field trip, Farm City Day.

September 2009 010

He’s pretty proud of it…and this might be the last time it was made.  Just keepin’ it real.

September 2009 011

Really, anywhere that “blankie” is, Grayson is pretty comfortable being there too.

September 2009 018

Abby got to feed a calf.  Yes, the child who is afraid of a weenie dog will give a bottle to a calf.  Go figure.

September 2009 019 

These two pictures show the unfortunate phenomenon of squinting even when the sun is not out. 

September 2009 022

Indeed, she was not giving me the stink-eye because she didn’t want her picture made.  She just had a bad case of the “squints”.

So, there you go.  A bunch of random thoughts and pictures.  Consider it a brain dump for the blog.  Glad you could be a part of it.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


In the three weeks that school has been in session, there have been a few things that have really grated on my nerves about the carpoolers. So, consider this a public service announcement for anyone who may be picking up kids in kindergarten through 2nd grade at Abby's school.

1. There are spots lined off and numbered in front of the school for a reason. And no, it's not to help your kid (or you, for that matter) learn to count. That is where you are to stop your car to pick up your child. Let me spell it out for you... If you are the first car in line, you are to pull up and stop in the #1 spot. Not in between the #2 and #3 spots, even if that is directly in front of the walkway. And then the second car will pull up into the #2 spot, and the third car in the #3 spot. Do you see a pattern here?

2. If you are going to park your car, get out of your car and go into the school to get your child, do not pull into the carpool lane. There is a parking lot adjacent to the carpool lane with your name written all over it. Use it, so we do not have to wait for 15 minutes, wasting our golden gas, while you block the entire lane.

3. This is not the teachers' first rodeo, folks. They know what they are doing. So if the teacher at the end of the line calls for your child and then the 4 spots in front of you open up, you can go on and move up. Your child will find you. Trust me, those teachers want nothing more than to get your child in the right vehicle so that y'all can get on home. Because that means that they can get on home.

4. If you are sitting in the mile long traffic jam and someone is waiting to pull out, for the love of all that is good and holy, let them out in front of you! If you are going less than a mile an hour, one vehicle length is not going to put you any further behind.

In summary, please do not leave your common sense or your common courtesy at home when you go to pick up your child from school.

Thank you and good night.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

School is Hard

Yep, school is hard. You have to get up early. You have to go to bed early. And I'm sure it's not a piece of cake for Abby either.

Here's Abby on her first day of kindergarten, eating her peanut butter and marshmallow fluff sandwich and drinking her Yoo-Hoo at lunch. Why, yes, I am up for Mother of the Year, how'd you guess?

Abby with her new BFF, only she couldn't remember her name. I guess their bond went deeper than that.

And the whole class...we'll see if they're all smiling by the end of the year.

On my end of things,I had no idea how out of the swing of things we had gotten in the Lane house. A little over a year ago, I was getting myself and 2 kids ready every morning and out the door by 7:00. Now, I'm having a hard time getting one child dressed, fed and ready to go by 7:30. I never really understood those moms who drop their kids off at school in their pajamas. I stand corrected because I totally get it now. I have not done it yet, but there is no stone throwing here. Mainly because I feel sure it will happen one day. Like when it's 10 degrees outside and still dark at 7:00 in the morning. Then I'll probably wear my pajamas to drop Abby off at school. And rest assured, on that day, I will have a flat tire. Or Abby will leave her backpack or lunchbox in the car, and I will have to take it in to her. You can count on it. That's how I roll.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

A Boy and His Dog: A Love Story, Sort Of...

If you follow me on Twitter, you know that we've expanded our brood. And you really should follow me since I have a lot of totally useless thoughts that wind up on Twitter that don't make it here on the blog. Clearly, not a lot has made it on here lately. But anyhoo, back to our newest family member...
Introducing Sig Hanson Lane. Yes, he is named after a chain-smoking, swearing, crab boat captain from the Deadliest Catch. I did not want a dog name, like Buster or Spot, and I wanted a manly name. That is what Burge came up with. I'll have to say it fits.
Grayson was very excited that we had gotten a dog. Puppies are great! In theory, at least.
Here's the thing about puppies, they don't understand the whole "personal space" concept. And Grayson, much like his momma, appreciates his personal space. He did not like Sig trying to follow him into the playhouse. They had words. Maybe Sig understood what Grayson was saying, because heaven knows, we can't.
Sig reasoned with him, promising that he would do better. Grayson is a tough nut to crack, but...
...eventually Grayson decided to give him another chance. How could you say no to a sweet puppy dog face?
He even opened the door of his home to Sig, totally welcoming him into the family. And how does Sig treat him?
He wants to tell Grayson thank you. By giving him a big sloppy kiss. Grayson wants no part of stinky dog drool anywhere near his face. Again, the apple does not fall far from the tree.
But, Sig will not take no for an answer. There will be some gratitude displayed, dang it! I'm fairly certain that persistence is a strong character trait in labs.
Grayson even tried climbing the slide to get away from the persistent pup. But that Sig, he has a one-track mind. He will not be deterred.
And if he can't get a lick in on the face, he'll settle for a bite on the hiney. I'm not really sure what that says about his character...
Grayson eventually gave up and went in the house. Yes, Grayson may have won this battle, but rest assured, Sig is gearing up to win the war...

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Sweating Bullets

Yesterday, Abby began four weeks of swimming lessons. Yes, you heard me right, four weeks. She's going to learn how to swim this year or we're going to die trying. And by we, I totally mean me. Because while Abby is holding onto a kick-board in the pool, blowing bubbles in the water, I'm standing on the edge of the pool, fully clothed, sweating so profusely people are looking at me funny. And y'all, I don't like to sweat.

I never had an issue (Ahem.) with perspiration before having kids, but now, put me out in the sun for 5 minutes and it's flowing like a fountain. I had a feeling this could be a problem for me, so I totally dressed for the occasion. I had on my little cotton dress with my flip flops. But even with that, I had a moment where I was worried about the decency of my attire. Really, how much sweat does it take to render a cotton dress see through? Because I had buckets of it running down my back. It was bad.

And all this in only 25 minutes. Thank God it's only 25 minutes. Any longer and I might have left a puddle where I was standing. And that would have been embarrassing.

The upside: only 3 weeks, 3 days left. The downside: it's not even summer yet.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Summer Fun...or not

After an unusually cool day yesterday, today the June heat kicked back in. So, I thought it was the perfect day to get the kid's new sprinkler out. I had found this really cute sprinkler several months back at a local discount store. It's a huge plastic mat that's shaped like a turtle. You plug the water hose into it, it fills up with water and the water sprays up from the edges of the turtle.

The kids loved it! Abby was running through it, getting soaked. Grayson was a bit apprehensive at first, probably because the water was a wee bit chilly, but he got over it quickly. They were having a grand time! So, why don't I have pictures to show you what a great time they were having?

Once I got everyone situated in the sprinkler, I was headed in to get the camera to catch all this family fun on film. All of a sudden, there was a pop and the water spray started slowly going down. I went to check it out, and the entire bottom of the turtle had blown out! Water was gushing everywhere.

Yep, it lasted all of fifteen minutes. Perhaps the local discount store is not the best place to buy water toys. After all, what can $5 really buy you? Apparently, 15 minutes of water fun and then 2 very disappointed kids.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Baptism - Abby's Way

This past Sunday, Abby's BFF's sister was baptized at our church. I immediately thought, "Oh, teaching moment!" Now, before you think I'm all high and mighty, "teaching moment" is not generally my first thought. Usually, I yell and then I think, "Yeah, that would have been a good teaching opportunity." Oh, well. Parenting is a learning experience too.

Anyway, I did think it might open up some communication about baptism and its meaning if Abby actually saw a baptism. So, she got to go to "big church" Sunday morning, as opposed to staying in the preschool department during the worship service. And she did ask some questions, which I answered to the best of my ability.

And the experience has obviously stuck with her. So far this week, she has baptized all the Little People in the house. Animals included. Perhaps my explanation left out a few things...

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Grayson Antics

Have you ever wondered what is going on when your 19 month old gets very quiet? And someone (I don't know who that could be...) left an ink pen within his reach? It might look something like this...

And in other Grayson antics, I was working on my scrapbook the other night in the dining room when I heard Burge ask Grayson why he was naked. That is not a question you ever want to hear. After a house-wide hunt for the discarded diaper, I finally found it. And I must say, it was pretty smart thinking on Grayson's part. He put it in the dirty clothes hamper. Clever boy!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

An Epic Fail

Burge has been off several days the past few weeks. That's what happens when you get three weeks vacation time, and you wait until your year-end to take the majority of it. We've gotten some much needed stuff done around the house and gotten to do some family stuff. Yesterday was one of those days.

We headed out yesterday morning to Scottsboro to Unclaimed Baggage. Now I've lived in Northeast Alabama most of my life, but I've never been to Unclaimed Baggage. It might have something to do with this, what Scottsboro is famous for that has absolutely nothing to do with Unclaimed Baggage. After checking out the store on its website and reading how people all over the US come to Scottsboro to visit Unclaimed Baggage, I was pumped.

Burge and I were thinking that we would probably leave disappointed, because there would be so much awesome stuff that we wouldn't be able to purchase all that we wanted. We were disappointed all right, but not for that reason. We left with nothing. Zip. Nada.

Let me say, as we were discussing this little excursion, I was thinking that a whole store filled with the contents of luggage that the airlines had lost might not be a stunning recommendation for the airlines' competency. However when the luggage was obviously lost somewhere near 1983, the blow is softened a bit. I have never seen so many pleats in all my life. And just a note to whomever prices the items at Unclaimed Baggage: Even if the item still has tags on it that read $60, if it was obviously first sold over 2 decades ago, you cannot sell it today for $40. I don't care who the designer is.

And as a public service announcement, these items are not cleaned before they are put out. I had gone through several racks of acid washed jeans when Burge came back from the men's department. He said he had found a couple of pairs of athletic shoes that he liked only to find out that they were $60 a piece. And then the blow that sent me digging for the antibacterial hand gel, "And they still had grass in the treads." Eeeewww! I am not opposed to wearing clothes once worn by someone else; I just want them to have a go or two in the washing machine first. And let me say, I openly cringed when I saw all the people fawning over the swimsuits.

So, in review, we drove an hour, bought nothing, drove back to Fort Payne, ate lunch and went to Big Lots. Fun times!

Friday, May 22, 2009

Family Vacation 2009

We spent this past weekend at the beach....Okaloosa Island, Florida to be exact. It was Abby's second time on the Gulf, but the first time she can remember and Grayson's first.

The beach was a huge hit, especially with Abby. She is definitely well on her way to being a beach bum!
Grayson, being blessed (or cursed, as the case may be) with my blue eyes had better get used to squinting. Or learn to keep sunglasses on! It would have helped, I suppose, if he actually had a hat that fit his big noggin. And he does now...
Sand was not his friend. As was my suspicion, he did not like the sand on his hands. As you can tell from the expression on his face. Whining soon followed.
Abby, on the other hand, loved the sand! Up until it made its way into her swimsuit. That wasn't pleasant for anyone involved. Here is her (and her dad's) first sand castle.
She liked the water too, as long as it didn't get near her face. Can't blame her there. There's nothing worse than a big wave to the face.
Grayson had several firsts...He learned to say "Cheese" when getting his picture made. Can't you tell?
He also became obsessed with kissing things. Here he is laying one on a plastic crab.
Abby is definitely her mother's daughter. She loves her some crab! She would've eaten it three meals a day, if we had let her (and could've afforded it!).
And finally, the whole family at The Back Porch, which I think might be my favorite restaurant in the Destin area. It was a great trip! We think we would've liked to stay longer, but we were all glad to be home, sleeping in our own beds. There's nothing like leaving for a few days to make you appreciate coming home...

Wednesday, May 20, 2009


Here is some randomness for your mid-week...

1. I did not fall off the face of the bloggy world. I just spent a few days at the Gulf of Mexico.

2. While my OCD tendencies might have calmed a little since I left the workforce, they are still there, as it took me a week to plan and prepare for a 4-day trip.

3. I realized last night that this is the first season of American Idol that I have not once voted in. I just didn't feel passionate about it. Am I outgrowing AI? I hope not.

4. We got caught up on the 24 season finale last night, and I was highly disappointed. I was glad to get some answers about Tony, so my extreme dislike for him is tempered somewhat, but everything else was a bit of a letdown.

5. I'm already getting sucked in to The Bachelorette. Did anyone else think Jillian is watching this now and is really creeped out by Tanner and his foot fetish? Ewwww!

6. I did something this weekend that I said I would never do: I read Twilight. I have thought it was a bit strange that grown women were swooning over a teenage book series about a hundred year old teenage vampire. I might have even made fun of it. But, y'all, it's a good book. I'll be reading the rest of the series.

7. Seeing as how I didn't post about AI for the last two weeks, here's my rundown. I think Danny's better off not winning because now he can make the kind of album that he should make. Not the kind of album that AI wants him to make.

8. I predict this will be the closest vote in American Idol history. I initially thought Adam had it wrapped up, but he did not do so hot last night. Kris had a few cringe moments too, but his songs, once again, showed what kind of artist he is. Beautifully.

9. Why are they still having these cheesy, inspirational, original (and I use that term loosely. All these songs are really interchangeable, no?) songs? They stink. And I love it that all the other judges obviously hated it, but couldn't pan it because Kara wrote it. And didn't she look all smug with her "cat that ate the canary" look on her face while they were singing it? I hate to be the one to break it to you, Kara, but it stinks.

10. I don't really have anything else to say, but I can't leave the list on an odd number. Darn that OCD!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

American Idol, Top 4

Tonight's show will be called "The One Where Everything Fell Apart...Literally". So, yeah. The stage fell apart, there was no dress rehearsal and they're singing duets. I kinda felt like the whole show was a bit disjointed. Anywho...

I am always in much anticipation of rock night. For me, it does not get any better than rock night. Until you introduce Slash as the mentor. Then you've reached a whole new level. Now, mind you, I have no idea what kind of critique Slash might offer because I've never heard him say a complete sentence. But that's all right. All he needs to do is bust through the door and start playing the guitar solo from November Rain while wearing chaps and standing in front of a church and it'll be okay. Slash, for me, is what good guitar-driven rock is all about. I'm not really sure what that has to do with American Idol. I got sidetracked in all of Slash's rock goodness. We'll move on now...

Adam Lambert started the show out with "Whole Lotta Love" and I hated it from the first note. I'll commend his stage presence. He can flat take control of a stage, but I did not like him doing Led Zeppelin. And what was that weird twich he kept doing? Did he develop some kind of strange tick over the last week? Plain and simply, Adam just makes me feel dirty and not in a good way. I feel like I should shower every time I hear him sing, but unfortunately, that's just not something you can wash off.

A Janis Joplin tune was a perfect choice for Allison. Allison and I finely got on the same page tonight with "Cry, Baby". She looked good. It all fit, yet the judges didn't like it. What? Allison totally won me over by correcting Simon on the Queen/ Jefferson Airplane thing. Seriously, who could possibly think Queen's "Somebody to Love" would be a better choice for her? Well, someone who could mistake Jefferson Airplane for Queen, that's who.

In a new twist for this season (because really, there hasn't been enough of those and they've all been colossal successes, right?), contestants were paired up to sing duets. Kris and Danny chose "Renegade". If there is one rock song I cannot stand it's Stix' "Renegade". I hate that song. With a passion. And I honestly didn't think I was going to like this when it started. I didn't like it when it started. But then the tempo picked up and Danny let loose and I started to forget that I hate this song. Danny has that effect on me.

Kris sang the Beatles' "Come Together". Tough song because Carly Smithson owned it last year. I liked it, and I loved when Kris said he almost wet his pants when Slash handed him his guitar.
I think Kara is deaf. Seriously. And why can they not keep her from being shiny? Honestly, there is some good make-up out there these days. She should look into it.

I got 4 words for Danny Gokey: No guts, no glory. "Dream On" could have been a train wreck. As it stands, I thought it was only a mild fender-bender. I think the lack of dress rehearsal hurt him the most. And that last note, it could've been a lot worse. I've heard a lot worse. Straight up, Kara is an idiot. Does she really work in the music industry? "Crazy" and "Cryin'" are not early Aerosmith. "Dream On" is early Aerosmith. Check your discography. I think there has not been a show where she has not said something ignorant. She's turned into Paula.

I kinda feel sorry for Allison having to share a stage with Adam and his striped pants. Somehow, I don't think he's used to sharing the spotlight. However, "Slow Ride" was a good choice for them. And for the most part, Allison held her own. I'm going to jump on the conspiracy theory bandwagon and say that I find it a bit odd that they opened the show and closed it.

I think it should be Allison's turn to go home, but this was such a weird show, I just don't know. I really felt like the judges were trying to sway the votes in favor of Allison and Adam. Funny, but not funny as in ha-ha, funny as in weird.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

American Idol, Top 5

This week's show will be called "The One Where Paula Forgot to Finish Sewing Her Dress". Seriously, what was up with that dress? If anyone needed a hanky anytime tonight, they could have just reached over and plucked one from Paula's dress.

Jamie Foxx was the mentor for the Rat Pack night. Huh? I have a hard time taking him seriously because every time I see him, all I can think about is Wanda on In Living Color. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, check this out... But first, a warning, Coke could spew from your nose if you happen to be drinking one while watching this. Just sayin'.

Kris Allen started the show with "The Way You Look Tonight". This boy knows who he is as a performer, although someone should tell him his tie bar was a bit high. It looked strange while he was performing, but then when he was standing next to Ryan (who was rocking the tie bar, by the way) it looked really odd. And thanks to Ryan for questioning Simon on that whole "wet" comment. I thought surely I had heard him wrong. Alas, no. Apparently, sitting next to Paula every week has finally gotten to him. It was bound to happen.

I kinda felt like I wasn't going to like Allison singing "Someone to Watch Over Me". I love this song and it reminds me of Mr. Holland's Opus, which is a movie I adore. And I was right. I didn't really care for her rendition. But for once, I wasn't confused by her outfit. Oh well. Allison and I just can't seem to get on the same page.

On the flip side, I thought I would really like Matt doing "Funny Valentine". It seemed right up his alley. But it didn't do much for me. I don't pretend to know a whole bunch about music, but dude, he wasn't quite hitting all the right notes. But, boy howdy, the make-up folks did a fine job on him. Y'all, he wasn't the least bit shiny, and you know those lights are hot. Looking for the positive spin, peeps, that's what I'm all about.

Bravo to Danny for being able to sing with Jamie Foxx all up in his face. I couldn't have done it. I am all about personal space. Don't mess with mine, and I won't mess with yours. I won't charge you any extra for that little tidbit. I saw a whole 'nother side of Danny tonight with "Come Rain or Come Shine". I was taken back. It was bluesy. It was a bit gritty. It was AH-MAZE-ING.

Kara is getting on my nerves. She tries to make witty remarks, but apparently she doesn't "test drive" them before letting them loose on national television because they either don't make sense or they're just downright stupid. Either way, she needs to stop.

Not everyone can pull off the white suit. Oh no, they can't. But leave it to Adam to try. That Adam is gutsy. On a sidenote, Jamie Foxx might be my favorite mentor ever. If Queen had ever put out a version of "Feeling Good", that would be how it would sound. If Queen ever wants to put out a version of "Feeling Good", Adam can help you out. I didn't hate it. And incidentally, Adam's tie bar was in a much better position. If you're keeping up with the tie bars. Which I'm sure you are. Ahem.

My prediction is either Allison or Matt goes home. Really, it doesn't matter. I don't think either of them has much of a shot at winning anyway. Kris, Danny and Adam should be the top three. Period.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

American Idol, Top 7 ...Again

And this one shall be called "The One With No Mentor, Because Really How Can You Top Quentin Tarrentino?" Because, really, can you top Quentin Tarrentino as a mentor on a singing show? I think not!

Lil Rounds started out the show with Chaka Khan's "I'm Every Woman" in a black catsuit. Oh, yes she did! The booty was out there. I thought she did a good job, but the judges hated her, and I honestly thought she was going to run crying from the stage. It was a little weird that they went straight from Ryan saying "This is American Idol' in his oh-so-dramatic voice straight into Lil singing. Apparently, Fox realized how ignorant it was only having two judges speak per contestant, and they are looking for other ways to cut time. It didn't do Lil any favors. Can you say awkward?

I'll take American Idol for $100, Alex. The answer is: "The last song you'd expect Kris Allen to sing on disco night." Oooh, ooh, I know...."She Works Hard for The Money" by Donna Summer! Yet he did, and I mean He. Did. He did an acoustic version, it was risky, and it was awesome! Who would've thunk it? Dudes, I think he has a chance of going all the way.

Seriously, I like any song that starts out sounding like Shaft. Period. Danny Gokey rocked it with Earth, Wind and Fire's "September". I loved the Knight Rider look he had going on and the stubble. And he had his glasses back tonight. I honestly think it helped his performance. If you can improve upon perfection...

Oh my, the Apocalypse is upon us. Vince Neil is in the audience on disco night on American Idol. I got one word for you, "Why?!?"

Allison chose "Hot Stuff" and put a rock spin on it. I was once again distracted by her choice of attire. A herd of cows gave their lives for that outfit. That, or a herd of naugahyde 70's couches. And a bedazzler, which I guess is fitting for disco night.

I actually enjoyed Adam's version of "If I Can't Have You". I know, will wonders never cease? There was no screeching or Spinal Tap's screams. It was understated and nice. I like nice. You know what was not understated? That giant snake pinky ring. Nope, not understated at all. As a side note, could his friends and family have gotten any more dressed up? I mean, really, it's just national television. By all means, put on your best shorts and t-shirt.

I think Matt's outfit was more punk than disco, but I'm not faulting him for that. I thought he did a bang-up job on "Stayin' Alive". Can you really get more disco than the Bee Gees? I hope it was enough to save him.

Paula was full of odd analogies tonight. Or maybe Paula is just odd. Yeah, that might be it....

Anoop closed out the show with "Dim All the Lights", a 5 o'clock shadow and a Pepto pink sweater. I'll bet he borrowed it from Randy. The vocals seemed a bit strained. I think I would have liked it better if he had kept it slow the whole way through. But that might have been a bit weird with the whole "Dance the night away" line. Ouch, Simon just didn't like anybody tonight.

I'm guessing the bottom three will be Lil, Anoop, and Allison, with Lil and Anoop going home. But honestly, at this point, I'm just pulling stuff out of the air (or some place a little lower that I just couldn't bring myself to type.). All I know for sure is that Danny and Adam will be the final two and Kris should round out the top three.

Shots are Bad

I am insane. I know that is not a shocking statement to anyone who knows me well, but I felt it needed to be said. I made appointments for both Abby and Grayson to have their check-ups today. And shots. So, clearly, I am insane. I thought I could handle it. I had even talked it over with Abby. I explained how she had to have the shots before she could start kindergarten. And how she had to show Grayson how a big kid handles getting shots.

I knew there would be tears, possibly some screaming. I was prepared for that. What I was not prepared for the nervous energy Abby had that manifested itself in constant chatter and rapid movements (I have no idea who she gets that from...It's not like I talk a lot about nothing at all. Ever.). Nor was I prepared for Grayson getting so upset at Abby getting so upset over having her shots. He might have cried more over her shots than his own. He, however, bounced back much more quickly than she did. Abby is still limping around. On alternate legs, since she did get shots in both legs. Nice.

And for the record, I probably will not attempt this again...

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Football = Confusion

Burge went to A-Day today to watch Alabama scrimmage. Abby and I watched it on ESPN. Abby only asked where Burge was at in the stadium 15 times. I was impressed. After the game, we went to pick up some supper and on the way home, this conversation ensued...

Abby: "When will the football game be over?"

Me: "It is over, baby."

Abby: "Is it over at home or where Daddy is?"

Me: "Both, it was the same game."

Abby: "Was Daddy playing in the game or just watching it?"

Me: "He was just watching."

Long pause...

Abby: "I don't get football, Mommy."

Me: "Most women don't, baby."

I'm glad she's learned that lesson young.

Thursday, April 16, 2009


I thought about posting about Easter on Easter, but why throw everyone off by doing things in a timely manner? That's just so not me. So, it's now Thursday after Easter, and sufficient time has passed for me to write about it.

The kids got to hunt eggs Saturday at a small egg hunt at the local Methodist church (yeah, we crossed the line....the Baptists hunting eggs with the Methodists...breaking down walls, it's what Easter is all about, peeps.) I should clarify, Abby hunted eggs and Grayson wandered around and climbed on things, occasionally picking up an egg. And God bless my tender-hearted little Abby, she kept giving her eggs to the other kids because she said she wanted to make sure everyone had some eggs. Yep, she makes her momma proud!
Here is Grayson actually picking up an egg...
However, I couldn't convince him to actually place one in the basket...
Abby was far more concerned with giving out her eggs than finding the most. Not a competitive girl, that Abby.
And, I must say, that makes me pretty happy. She was very content with what she had.
And here they are, ready for church Easter morning. I had to forgo the outdoor pictures since Grayson had a white outfit. Silly me, I actually wanted it to still be white when we got to church. And yes, I know it was fifty degrees outside and he is wearing shorts and sandals. One year, I'm going to get long-sleeved Easter outfits. And that, I'm sure, will be the year that it's 80 degrees on Easter.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

American Idol, Top 7

This one is titled "Seriously, Quentin Tarrentino as a Mentor?? When Did They Start Allowing Blood and Guts on American Idol?" Does Quentin Tarrentino have any qualifications to be a mentor on a singing show? Yeah, I didn't think so. I know as much about music and singing as he does, and let me clarify, that is not a lot. Now, if there is ever a contest about blood and guts, and they need a mentor, Quentin is their man.

I don't think there has been a movie theme night where someone did not sing Aerosmith's "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing". Tonight was no exception. Going first is never easy, and the votes usually reflect that. That aside, Allison did a pretty good job with it. I still like her voice. I still question her fashion sense. I still think she's on the edge, and not in a good way. Simon said she was the girls' only chance to win it, and while that might not be impossible, it is a bit far-fetched. This is most definitely the guys' season.

I love Bryan Adams. I don't particularly care for "(Everything I Do) I Do For You", if only for the fact that every wedding I attended in the early 90's had this song somehow integrated in it. It conjures up images of big hair, big shoulder pads and big white bows on the butt of big white dresses. *shudder* That being said, I totally loved Anoop doing it. I liked it so much, I didn't even pay attention to what he had on, so I can't make fun of it. Darn! Maybe I need to rewind...

Of course, Adam is doing a song from Easy Rider. And of course, it's "Born to be Wild". Really, can anyone think of a better song for him? Here's the deal with me and Adam...I readily admit the boy can sing. Whole-heartedly. And yes, he has a freakishly unnatural range. And the freakiness frightens me just a bit. But here's the thing...I just don't like him. For whatever reason (like the screeching that is dangerously close to being only audible by dogs), he just does not float my boat. Now, can he be successful without my support? I'm pretty sure that's a yes. My opinion and a nickel will net you 5 cents, after all.

Have I mentioned that I love Bryan Adams? Maybe there should be a Bryan Adams night! American Idol should take note of that. Anyhoo, Matt Girard sang "Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?" from Don Juan DeMarco. Great song from a great movie. Matt, however, did not have a great night. It was not his finest hour, or 2 minutes as the case may be. And that pains me, because I really like Matt Girard and his Justin Timberlake-Michael Buble vibe.

Danny Gokey did not have his glasses on tonight, which threw me off. Especially because he had on some really cool ones during his intro. But he did have on a snazzy Miami Vice blazer and white shoes. Very Easter-ish, only without a bonnet. Thankfully. He sang "Endless Love". The verse was not so good; the chorus was very good. I love Danny Gokey. End of story.

What was the little dance Randy was doing with Simon when they came back from the break? Apparently, his colorful blue sweater was making him a little sassy tonight...

Oh my word, I loved Kris Allen tonight! He sang "Falling Slowly", and I thought it was the best performance of the night. Randy did not like it, but I think he might not could hear over his loud sweater. I'm just saying...

No, say it ain't so! Lil Rounds is not singing "The Rose". Y'all, it is not an exaggeration in the least that I want to gouge my eyes out when I hear this song. I mean, it makes my ears bleed, which I'm sure Quentin would like. I love the movie Beaches, but I hate this song. **Edited -Okay, so it was pointed out to me (nit picky as it was) that "The Rose" was not from Beaches, but rather The Rose. So, I'm not up on my Bette Midler movies. Is that really a bad thing? Now, I have no reason to even try to like this song. ** I don't think there are words strong enough (at least, not in my vocabulary) that can adequately express my dislike for this song. And honestly, when I heard those first notes, I had to go to my happy place. So, basically, Lil could have come out and sang the heck out it, and I would have hated it. I don't think she did though, and she might be in trouble.

I'm going with Lil, Matt and Allison in the bottom three, with either Matt or Lil going home this week. I gotta say I hope it's Lil...

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

American Idol, Top 8

Tonight's episode will be renamed "The One Full of Songs From the Decade I Love" with the subtitle "And I Realized I am Really Old". I knew that I would love when the theme was "the year you were born" because there would be lots o' 80's music. And I love 80's music. It takes me back to a time of big hair and synthesizers, and I love it. It also made me feel old. I might need some therapy now...

In case I haven't mentioned it, I love Danny Gokey. Really, I do. He is awesome. However, I was not too keen on a disco version of "Stand By Me". That song reminds me of Wil Wheaton and River Phoenix, railroad tracks and leeches in bad places. It does not remind me of bell-bottoms and disco balls. But, I still love Danny Gokey.

Kris Allen jazzed up Don Henley and "All She Wants to Do is Dance". He was working the crowd, playing the guitar. Kinda big band, but I liked it. The judges, not so much. And I don't really have much else to say about it, so I guess I didn't like it so much after all.

Can I just say I loved Lil Rounds' shoes? And the fact that she worked the stage in said shoes is nothing short of impressive. I thought I would really like her singing Tina Turner. It seemed like a good fit on paper. It just really didn't translate well on the stage. Go figure. But she looked good.

Yo, Anoop's parents dressed him kinda funny as a kid. And well, he's in a lime green Mr. Roger's sweater so I guess some things never change. But dude, I loved him singing "True Colors" with the R&B flair. Very original, much like that sweater. I heart Anoop, even if he dresses funny.

Scott MacIntyre brought some Survivor and an electric guitar. Now, I am all over 80's hair bands. I mean, all over them. Love them. Totally. But I just wasn't feeling "The Search is Over". But with the Greatest American Hero hair and the tapered metallic pants with the black racing stripe down the side, he absolutely looked the part. His shirt was untucked, but I bet if it was tucked in, you'd see those pants had pleats. Sweet...

Allison Iraheta was born in 1992. You know how old I was in 1992? I'll tell you, 15! I am almost double her age. And seriously, of all the songs she could have chosen, she picked Bonnie Raitt's "I Can't Make You Love Me". Now, I love that song, and she did a really good job vocally on it. But Bonnie Raitt was in her 40's when she recorded that. Allison is 17. Do you see the juxtaposition there? It was too old for her. And yes, I realize that I am basically calling myself old, hence the subtitle of this episode.

Ryan Seacrest is making 2009 the year of the tie bar. Loving it!

"Part-Time Lover" was one of those songs that I loved as a kid, but really had no idea what it was about. You know, me and my little friends would run around at recess and sing it because it was on America's Top 40 with Casey Casem, but we had no clue what it meant. Actually I think I just figured it out a couple of years ago... Anyway, Matt Giraud BROUGHT IT tonight with the Stevie Wonder. And he was looking so suave with his leather Member's Only jacket and chill hat. He's one cool dude. Like, totally.

Okay, keeping it real, my DVR cut off before Adam Lambert's performance, so I had to spend hours scouring the internet to find it. Not really. It took like 10 seconds on Google, but it was still irritating. Fox, why can't you keep it in an hour?

So, anyway, Adam's parents are so normal looking. I don't know what I was expecting, but it was a bit disconcerting. Tears for Fears seemed right up his alley, but I was already fooled by that with Lil, so I was wary. It was understated, which was hard for Adam, I think. I didn't think it was all that, but Simon gave him a standing ovation, so maybe it lost a little something, going from a 42 inch TV to a 6 inch box on my laptop.

The bottom three will probably be Scott MacIntyre, Lil Rounds and Kris Allen (still a Kris Allen fan, but going second with a not-so-great performance will land you in the bottom). It should be Scott's week to go, although this might be the shocker week...

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

American Idol, Top 9

This one will be dubbed "The One Where I Was Distracted by Strange Outfits". Apparently I don't understand the strange fashions of today. And let me add, I don't think I want to.

Anoop clearly did not listen to my advice last week. The stylist did not do him any favors again this week. Is it cool to wear a necklace on your shoulder? I don't know, maybe I'm out of touch. Okay, I am most definitely out of touch, but I still don't think it's cool to wear a necklace on your shoulder. Anyway, I digress. He sang an Usher song that I had never heard of (refer to the "out of touch" comment above), and I thought he sounded okay. He might be in trouble, going first. I still heart him.

Megan Corkrey (still ignoring the last name drop) sang a Bob Marley song, "Turn Your Lights Down Low". Here's a tip: It is really never a good idea to sing a Bob Marley song on American Idol. American Idol is just not cut out for Bob Marley. Ask Jason Castro from last year... But hey, she says her peeps like it. I think she better hope her peeps vote for her. Maybe she can bribe them with all that bling she was wearing around her neck.

Danny Gokey. Gives. Me. Chills. While "What Hurts the Most" falls into that category of songs that I never want to hear again, he can sing it anytime. He almost made me forget that that song has been run into the ground so far that it's in China by now. He's just that good.

It bothered me immensely that the rose in Allison Iraheta's hair clashed with her haircolor. And were those blue cupcakes in her hair as well? Wait, what did she sing again? I got completely distracted by the whole early 80's Madonna ensemble. Oh, yeah, she sang No Doubt's "Don't Speak". I liked it. I didn't love it , and I'm not sure she ever even played a chord on the "axe" as Paula called it. But, whatever.

Scott MacIntyre strangely resembled Danny Zuko tonight. It's a little freaky watching Danny Zuko sing Billy Joel's "Just the Way You Are". I kept expecting him to jump up and break into "Greased Lightning". Maybe it was just me...

I am digging Matt Giraud's Member's Only jacket. Basically, I am digging Matt Giraud. I love me some Fray. And I love me some Matt Giraud doing the Fray with a keyboard in the middle of the audience. The judges did not like it. Simon actually said it wasn't a good commercial song. Pardon me, but was that song not a huge commercial hit? Huh. I don't get it.

Lil Rounds is back with the booty this week. I like that she's owning the booty. I again this week didn't like her performance. But, oh my gosh, her kids are too cute! She's got me with the kids and the booty. I can relate. Yo.

Can I throw in that I am so relieved that Paula did not pull anything out of her dress and that her cleavage remained fully intact tonight? Thank goodness for small miracles...

Robby Rotten has returned in the form of Adam Lambert again. What is up with that hair? And I think he had on full-on bell bottoms. Move out of the way as lightning strikes...but I actually liked his version of "Play That Funky Music." Right up until he let loose with that Spinal Tap scream at the end. Incidently, someone should tell Kara that it's Studio 54, not Studio 57. Not so good with the numbers, that Kara.

So, Kris said he wanted to have a moment tonight with "Ain't No Sunshine". And I gotta tell ya, Kris and I had a moment tonight. It. Was. Amazing. Seriously, best performance of the night. And it does pain me a little to say that, given my total devotion to Da Man, Danny Gokey. But, there you go.

The bottom three will probably be Anoop (I still heart you!), Allison (Cyndi Lauper called and wants her outfit back), and Megan (How many ways can the judges tell you to quit doing that ignorant little dance??), with Megan heading home. Please, sweet mother of all that is good and holy, let Megan go home this week.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Chris Rock, She's not.

Tonight, on our way home from the grocery store, Abby was practicing her stand-up routine on me. And I was eager to listen, since I am always looking for ways for my children to support me financially later in life.

The jokes went something like this...

How did the ball get in the car while it was moving? With its nose!

How did the truck drive the car? With its toes!

And then she followed it up with "I'm laughing off my head!!"

Yeah, not so much. I don't really see comedy in her future. Maybe she'll be better at sports...

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

American Idol, Top 10

This one shall be named "The Night of Songs from The Big Chill Soundtrack". I love me some Motown night! Mainly because I love me some Big Chill soundtrack. Basically because I love me some Big Chill (the BEST movie of all time. Word.) I mean, you have to work hard to find a bad Motown song. Mind you, there were a couple tonight that apparently worked really, really hard this week.

Oh Sweet Lord, Matt Giraud is singing "Let's Get It On". I got a text in the middle of choir practice warning me that he was good. Fortunately, she did not mention what song he was singing, because that might have sparked some inappropriate thoughts for choir practice. Ahem. While I was slightly distracted by his light wash jeans (which apparently Paula noticed as well), I can totally overlook that cause He. Was. Awesome. (Why, yes, we did watch Bolt this weekend...)

Kris Allen was behind the guitar again, as it should be, on "How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You". Is it just me or are the back-up singers a little off? He don't need no stinkin' back-up singers. He's just that good. What a last note! Awe-some.

Paula is drunk, mark my words...

Is Scott MacIntyre wearing pink pants? Okay, who helped him with his outfit? Did they think that was funny? While he can certainly play the piano, I'm just not feeling "You Can't Hurry Love" from him, and it has nothing to with the pink pants. Mostly. And seriously, the back-up singers are crawling all over my nerves tonight.

Are the Idol producers making all the mentors have their teeth whitened before they allow them on the show? It was Randy Travis' blindingly white teeth last week, and Smokey Robinson's could glow in the dark this week, I think.

Smokey Robinson just referred to Megan Corkrey ( I refuse to recognize the last name drop) as cabaret. That is not a good thing. And I think we can all see why. The song, it was bad. I mean, bad. I have never even heard this song before. And oh, how I hate that stupid dance move! Can we please send her home this week? Put us out of our misery. Please.

Anoop, fire the back-up singers. And while you're at it, you might want to let your stylist go as well. Seriously, what is up with that jacket? "Baby, Baby" was not your best performance, but I still heart you.

Have I mentioned that Paula is drunk? Cause she is. Totally. And Randy's aqua sweater? It is blinding me.

I so don't want Michael Sarver to ruin "Ain't Too Proud To Beg" for me. Alas, those prayers went unanswered. I knew that plane was going down in flames when he said he was putting a gospel swing to it. And apparently his gospel influence is Michael English, because that is who he was channeling tonight. Anyone else feeling that? Just me? It was not good. And why must he talk back to the judges every single week?

Did Lil Rounds think that it was a requirement that she dress the part tonight? The wig is freaking me out a wee bit. And, honestly, I didn't care much for her performance. Maybe it was just me... I did not like it. And Paula is drunk.

I'm going to try to put aside my dislike for Adam, because I love "Tracks of My Tears". But honestly, his hair is weird. Dapper Dan, anyone? Vocally, it is not the worst of the night. And by the way, thank you for no weird Middle-Eastern arrangements. Clearly, Kara cannot count because "one of the best performances of the night" is eight words, not six. The judges, they stink.

Danny Gokey is AWESOME! And he didn't look weird. At all. 'Nuff said.

Paula is wearing a tutu, while drunk. Nice.

Allison is doing a Shaft version of "Papa Was a Rolling Stone". For that reason alone, I like it. That girl can SANG! She. Was. Awesome (Have you seen Bolt yet?) She totally redeemed herself tonight. Kara might be drunk too. Paula is definitely drunk. Usually, you have to wait until the drunk person passes out before you can draw on their face. Paula let Simon draw a mustache on her face while she was not only awake, but on live, national television. She is so drunk.

My picks to be leaving this week are Michael or Megan, mainly because I can't pick Paula or Kara. And I figure, if I pick Megan every week, eventually she will go home. Please let it be this week. Please.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The Tantrum

I experienced something this weekend I have never in 31 years of life and 5 years of parenthood experienced before: the public temper tantrum. I have no idea what brought it on or what stopped it, for that matter.

We (meaning my mom and I and both kids) went to the outlets in Boaz. She and Abby went in one direction to buy fake flowers (Don't ask , just don't ask), and Grayson and I went in the other direction to look for shoes. Grayson is in some desperate need for shoes. And honestly, the shoe store ought to be a happy place for him since his favorite pastime is going into my closet and dragging out my shoes. Maybe it was overwhelming for him to be in the presence of that many shoes. Who knows?

We get in there, and he is in his stroller and seems okay. I try a pair of shoes on him, and then get him out of the stroller, which was my first mistake, to see if he can walk in them. Because that is how I see if a shoe fits. If it goes on the foot and you are able to run in it without tripping over them, it fits. Not scientific, but it works. The problem started when I went to put him back in the stroller. That was a no go. Okay, fine. He can walk. He cannot, however, push the stroller into the racks of shoes with enough force to knock them over. That's when the tears started to roll. And the screaming began. I didn't know what to do. I broke out in a sweat. My mind raced back to all the episodes of Supernanny I'd seen as I tried to think about what Jo would do. I'm pretty sure it would involve getting down on his level and explaining why pitching a fit in the shoe store was not acceptable. I'm pretty sure it would not involve jerking the child up and running out of the store, dragging the stroller behind you. Alas, I chose option B, because really, how do you reason with a hysterical 17 month old?

He did eventually get calmed down enough for us to go back and get him a sweet pair of New Balance shoes. And just to clarify, he has not acted like that before, nor has he since. It may forever be a mystery as to what caused this sweet, loving little boy...
to turn into a maniacal, devil-child. I just hope it never happens again. Or at least happens when Supernanny is around somewhere to advise me.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

American Idol, Top 11

This one will be dubbed "Great, Let's Get Country Night Out of the Way Early On." I dread country night every season because, basically, I have great disdain for country music. I realize that is like blasphemy since I was born and bred in the South, just 30 miles from the home of the legendary Alabama. But there you have it, I hate country music. I will try to be objective...

This should have been Michael Sarver's night. But, alas, he went first and was not all that. When the best thing the judges can say about you is that you remembered all the words, rest assured, it was not a stellar performance.

I have no idea what Allison Iraheta sang because I spent the entire time wondering how she found a jacket and accessories that were the exact same color as her hair. Impressive!

My first thought when Kris Allen started singing was, "Hey, that's not a country song. That's Bob Dylan!" So, of course, I liked it. In all fairness, he did a really good job on "Make You Feel My Love", even without his guitar. And, thankfully, there was no dancing.

Random thought: Randy Travis has the whitest teeth I have ever seen. I bet they aren't really his. He's no spring chicken. And what is up with his wife's hair? I don't think it's really hers. I see a theme here...

Did anyone else feel the end of the world was imminent when Adam Lambert and Randy Travis inhabited the same room? And then the middle eastern version of "Ring of Fire" started, and I thought, yes, indeed, Armageddon is upon us. Have I mentioned that he creeps me out a little? Cause he does.

This is the first night where I was really impressed with Scott MacIntyre's performance. I not only forgot that it was a country song, but for a moment, I forgot that he looks a lot like the Greatest American Hero.

I love me some Danny Gokey. That said, if I never hear "Jesus, Take the Wheel" again, it will be too soon. Nevertheless, I love me some Danny Gokey. And his cool glasses and snazzy white jacket.

Another random thought: Wow, Paula's cleavage is really out there tonight. It might be a ploy to distract people from her complete incoherence. Just a thought...

Anoop, Anoop, thank you for saving country night for me. In the way Chris Daughtry brought it with "Walk the Line" on his season, you brought it tonight with "You Were Always on My Mind". I'll even forgive you for allowing the steel guitar in the arrangement. I heart you, Anoop. I can't explain it, but I do.

Why is Megan Corkrey now just referred to as Megan Joy? Another ploy to distract me from that awkward dance that she insists upon doing every week.

I will admit that I have never heard the Carrie Underwood version of "So Small", because people, I don't listen to country music. But, I like Matt Giraud's version. A LOT. Heck, I like Matt Giraud. A LOT.

While I think Michael Sarver was the weakest performance tonight, it would just be wrong for him to go home on country night. I think we'll lose another girl because they're just not on the same level as the guys this season. It should be Megan, for obvious reasons, but it probably won't. The judges made sure she got her share of sympathy votes by continually reiterating that she was sick. I think it'll come down to Allison and Alexis because Lil ain't going anywhere.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Wheel of Fortune is like a Drug

Apparently my 17 month old little boy has the soul of an 80 year old grandma. His "can't miss TV": Wheel of Fortune. Who knows if the draw is Pat and Vanna, spinning the wheel or turning the letters? Maybe he's really a genius and is guessing the puzzles... All I know is he is enthralled by it and will stop whatever he's doing to sit and watch it.

Here's proof...
There is some serious thinking going on there.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

American Idol, Top 13

And this one shall now be known as "The One Where We Proved White Boys Can't Dance"

Last night was Michael Jackson night, and I cannot express the joy that filled my heart when I heard that. There are few artists that can bring about such brilliance and shame all at the same time as MJ. I was all a-tingle with the possibility of moonwalks and inappropriate crotch-grabbing. There were opportunities for career making moments and career breaking moments, and it was television gold.

Alas, there was no moonwalking or crotch-grabbing. I left feeling a little jipped. Jacko is synonomous with moonwalking and crotch-grabbing. Okay, this is taking a vaguely inappropriate turn here. So, I'm moving on.

The good...

Kris Allen did a bang-up job on "Do You Remember the Time?". I'm now glad he made it through. However, dude don't need to dance. Granted, he was behind a guitar so that might have hampered his moves. But, somehow, I don't think so.

Of all the contestants this season, Adam Lambert is the one most cut out to sing Michael Jackson. And he brought it with "Black & White". But I gotta say, there is something about him that makes me think Spinal Tap. It might be the way that he feels he must scream in every song. I don't know. Just saying...

"Human Nature" is one of my favorite MJ songs, and Matt Giraud did not disappoint. Loved it! Even though I got mad last week when I thought he made it in over Anoop (whom I will address momentarily), I'm completely over that now, which I'm sure has helped Matt sleep through the night.

I have made it no mystery that Danny Gokey is THE MAN. He rocked it with "PYT". A-Maz-Ing! And yes, I'm ignoring the fact that he was totally the inspiration for the subtitle of this episode.

Alexis Grace closed the show with "Dirty Diana", and it was a show-stopper. She is slightly disconcerting to me. But totally in a good way. She is this teeny little thing with this huge voice. I liked it. Sue me.

The bad...

While I thought Lil Rounds did a decent job on "The Way You Make Me Feel", who helped her with her outfit? Seriously, girlfriend is from the south, why would she break the cardinal rule of fashion and wear white before Easter? And don't get me started on the ruffle shirt. What part of that outfit spoke to her and said "Wear me for Michael Jackson night"? Cause it lied. Big time.

Jorge Nunez could not have chosen a worse song than "Never Can Say Goodbye" and honestly, I think his eyebrows are going to overtake his entire face before he leaves this competition. Really.

And I stand corrected on the worse song chosen comment. Because that award clearly goes to Megan Corkrey. Rockin' Robin? Seriously? How could that have seemed like a good idea? And to actually "caw" at the end? Are you kidding me? And by the way, that white girl can't dance either. And apparently, "quirky" is now the new word for "unbelievably awful". Who knew?

Anoop, let me talk directly to you (as I'm sure you read my blog on a daily basis). You disappointed me last night. It's okay. I still believe in you. Perhaps "Beat It" wasn't the best choice for you. You could have made it better if you had moonwalked or spun around and grabbed your crotch. (Okay, okay, I'm letting the crotch-grabbing go now.) But, that's water under the bridge. Let's just try to do better next week. M'kay?

And the ugly...

Why, again, did we need a fourth judge? To take up more time in between songs? Can someone explain this to me? Anyone?

You would have thought in a 2 hour show that Paula could come up with one coherent comment. But, no. Not a single coherent thought. And what was up with those bracelets? I'm all about bringing some bling, but that was above and beyond. Way beyond.

And can the judges be any more obvious that they want the girls to stay in the competition a little longer? Honestly! Why do I think this new rule change will somehow benefit them? Veto, anyone?

So my picks of who should be packing up and going home... Jasmine Murray and Jorge Nunez. That's who I feel should go. If the new "rule" comes into play, Jasmine Murray will be safe, and we'll see 2 guys going.