Tuesday, March 31, 2009

American Idol, Top 9

This one will be dubbed "The One Where I Was Distracted by Strange Outfits". Apparently I don't understand the strange fashions of today. And let me add, I don't think I want to.

Anoop clearly did not listen to my advice last week. The stylist did not do him any favors again this week. Is it cool to wear a necklace on your shoulder? I don't know, maybe I'm out of touch. Okay, I am most definitely out of touch, but I still don't think it's cool to wear a necklace on your shoulder. Anyway, I digress. He sang an Usher song that I had never heard of (refer to the "out of touch" comment above), and I thought he sounded okay. He might be in trouble, going first. I still heart him.

Megan Corkrey (still ignoring the last name drop) sang a Bob Marley song, "Turn Your Lights Down Low". Here's a tip: It is really never a good idea to sing a Bob Marley song on American Idol. American Idol is just not cut out for Bob Marley. Ask Jason Castro from last year... But hey, she says her peeps like it. I think she better hope her peeps vote for her. Maybe she can bribe them with all that bling she was wearing around her neck.

Danny Gokey. Gives. Me. Chills. While "What Hurts the Most" falls into that category of songs that I never want to hear again, he can sing it anytime. He almost made me forget that that song has been run into the ground so far that it's in China by now. He's just that good.

It bothered me immensely that the rose in Allison Iraheta's hair clashed with her haircolor. And were those blue cupcakes in her hair as well? Wait, what did she sing again? I got completely distracted by the whole early 80's Madonna ensemble. Oh, yeah, she sang No Doubt's "Don't Speak". I liked it. I didn't love it , and I'm not sure she ever even played a chord on the "axe" as Paula called it. But, whatever.

Scott MacIntyre strangely resembled Danny Zuko tonight. It's a little freaky watching Danny Zuko sing Billy Joel's "Just the Way You Are". I kept expecting him to jump up and break into "Greased Lightning". Maybe it was just me...

I am digging Matt Giraud's Member's Only jacket. Basically, I am digging Matt Giraud. I love me some Fray. And I love me some Matt Giraud doing the Fray with a keyboard in the middle of the audience. The judges did not like it. Simon actually said it wasn't a good commercial song. Pardon me, but was that song not a huge commercial hit? Huh. I don't get it.

Lil Rounds is back with the booty this week. I like that she's owning the booty. I again this week didn't like her performance. But, oh my gosh, her kids are too cute! She's got me with the kids and the booty. I can relate. Yo.

Can I throw in that I am so relieved that Paula did not pull anything out of her dress and that her cleavage remained fully intact tonight? Thank goodness for small miracles...

Robby Rotten has returned in the form of Adam Lambert again. What is up with that hair? And I think he had on full-on bell bottoms. Move out of the way as lightning strikes...but I actually liked his version of "Play That Funky Music." Right up until he let loose with that Spinal Tap scream at the end. Incidently, someone should tell Kara that it's Studio 54, not Studio 57. Not so good with the numbers, that Kara.

So, Kris said he wanted to have a moment tonight with "Ain't No Sunshine". And I gotta tell ya, Kris and I had a moment tonight. It. Was. Amazing. Seriously, best performance of the night. And it does pain me a little to say that, given my total devotion to Da Man, Danny Gokey. But, there you go.

The bottom three will probably be Anoop (I still heart you!), Allison (Cyndi Lauper called and wants her outfit back), and Megan (How many ways can the judges tell you to quit doing that ignorant little dance??), with Megan heading home. Please, sweet mother of all that is good and holy, let Megan go home this week.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Chris Rock, She's not.

Tonight, on our way home from the grocery store, Abby was practicing her stand-up routine on me. And I was eager to listen, since I am always looking for ways for my children to support me financially later in life.

The jokes went something like this...

How did the ball get in the car while it was moving? With its nose!

How did the truck drive the car? With its toes!

And then she followed it up with "I'm laughing off my head!!"

Yeah, not so much. I don't really see comedy in her future. Maybe she'll be better at sports...

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

American Idol, Top 10

This one shall be named "The Night of Songs from The Big Chill Soundtrack". I love me some Motown night! Mainly because I love me some Big Chill soundtrack. Basically because I love me some Big Chill (the BEST movie of all time. Word.) I mean, you have to work hard to find a bad Motown song. Mind you, there were a couple tonight that apparently worked really, really hard this week.

Oh Sweet Lord, Matt Giraud is singing "Let's Get It On". I got a text in the middle of choir practice warning me that he was good. Fortunately, she did not mention what song he was singing, because that might have sparked some inappropriate thoughts for choir practice. Ahem. While I was slightly distracted by his light wash jeans (which apparently Paula noticed as well), I can totally overlook that cause He. Was. Awesome. (Why, yes, we did watch Bolt this weekend...)

Kris Allen was behind the guitar again, as it should be, on "How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You". Is it just me or are the back-up singers a little off? He don't need no stinkin' back-up singers. He's just that good. What a last note! Awe-some.

Paula is drunk, mark my words...

Is Scott MacIntyre wearing pink pants? Okay, who helped him with his outfit? Did they think that was funny? While he can certainly play the piano, I'm just not feeling "You Can't Hurry Love" from him, and it has nothing to with the pink pants. Mostly. And seriously, the back-up singers are crawling all over my nerves tonight.

Are the Idol producers making all the mentors have their teeth whitened before they allow them on the show? It was Randy Travis' blindingly white teeth last week, and Smokey Robinson's could glow in the dark this week, I think.

Smokey Robinson just referred to Megan Corkrey ( I refuse to recognize the last name drop) as cabaret. That is not a good thing. And I think we can all see why. The song, it was bad. I mean, bad. I have never even heard this song before. And oh, how I hate that stupid dance move! Can we please send her home this week? Put us out of our misery. Please.

Anoop, fire the back-up singers. And while you're at it, you might want to let your stylist go as well. Seriously, what is up with that jacket? "Baby, Baby" was not your best performance, but I still heart you.

Have I mentioned that Paula is drunk? Cause she is. Totally. And Randy's aqua sweater? It is blinding me.

I so don't want Michael Sarver to ruin "Ain't Too Proud To Beg" for me. Alas, those prayers went unanswered. I knew that plane was going down in flames when he said he was putting a gospel swing to it. And apparently his gospel influence is Michael English, because that is who he was channeling tonight. Anyone else feeling that? Just me? It was not good. And why must he talk back to the judges every single week?

Did Lil Rounds think that it was a requirement that she dress the part tonight? The wig is freaking me out a wee bit. And, honestly, I didn't care much for her performance. Maybe it was just me... I did not like it. And Paula is drunk.

I'm going to try to put aside my dislike for Adam, because I love "Tracks of My Tears". But honestly, his hair is weird. Dapper Dan, anyone? Vocally, it is not the worst of the night. And by the way, thank you for no weird Middle-Eastern arrangements. Clearly, Kara cannot count because "one of the best performances of the night" is eight words, not six. The judges, they stink.

Danny Gokey is AWESOME! And he didn't look weird. At all. 'Nuff said.

Paula is wearing a tutu, while drunk. Nice.

Allison is doing a Shaft version of "Papa Was a Rolling Stone". For that reason alone, I like it. That girl can SANG! She. Was. Awesome (Have you seen Bolt yet?) She totally redeemed herself tonight. Kara might be drunk too. Paula is definitely drunk. Usually, you have to wait until the drunk person passes out before you can draw on their face. Paula let Simon draw a mustache on her face while she was not only awake, but on live, national television. She is so drunk.

My picks to be leaving this week are Michael or Megan, mainly because I can't pick Paula or Kara. And I figure, if I pick Megan every week, eventually she will go home. Please let it be this week. Please.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The Tantrum

I experienced something this weekend I have never in 31 years of life and 5 years of parenthood experienced before: the public temper tantrum. I have no idea what brought it on or what stopped it, for that matter.

We (meaning my mom and I and both kids) went to the outlets in Boaz. She and Abby went in one direction to buy fake flowers (Don't ask , just don't ask), and Grayson and I went in the other direction to look for shoes. Grayson is in some desperate need for shoes. And honestly, the shoe store ought to be a happy place for him since his favorite pastime is going into my closet and dragging out my shoes. Maybe it was overwhelming for him to be in the presence of that many shoes. Who knows?

We get in there, and he is in his stroller and seems okay. I try a pair of shoes on him, and then get him out of the stroller, which was my first mistake, to see if he can walk in them. Because that is how I see if a shoe fits. If it goes on the foot and you are able to run in it without tripping over them, it fits. Not scientific, but it works. The problem started when I went to put him back in the stroller. That was a no go. Okay, fine. He can walk. He cannot, however, push the stroller into the racks of shoes with enough force to knock them over. That's when the tears started to roll. And the screaming began. I didn't know what to do. I broke out in a sweat. My mind raced back to all the episodes of Supernanny I'd seen as I tried to think about what Jo would do. I'm pretty sure it would involve getting down on his level and explaining why pitching a fit in the shoe store was not acceptable. I'm pretty sure it would not involve jerking the child up and running out of the store, dragging the stroller behind you. Alas, I chose option B, because really, how do you reason with a hysterical 17 month old?

He did eventually get calmed down enough for us to go back and get him a sweet pair of New Balance shoes. And just to clarify, he has not acted like that before, nor has he since. It may forever be a mystery as to what caused this sweet, loving little boy...
to turn into a maniacal, devil-child. I just hope it never happens again. Or at least happens when Supernanny is around somewhere to advise me.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

American Idol, Top 11

This one will be dubbed "Great, Let's Get Country Night Out of the Way Early On." I dread country night every season because, basically, I have great disdain for country music. I realize that is like blasphemy since I was born and bred in the South, just 30 miles from the home of the legendary Alabama. But there you have it, I hate country music. I will try to be objective...

This should have been Michael Sarver's night. But, alas, he went first and was not all that. When the best thing the judges can say about you is that you remembered all the words, rest assured, it was not a stellar performance.

I have no idea what Allison Iraheta sang because I spent the entire time wondering how she found a jacket and accessories that were the exact same color as her hair. Impressive!

My first thought when Kris Allen started singing was, "Hey, that's not a country song. That's Bob Dylan!" So, of course, I liked it. In all fairness, he did a really good job on "Make You Feel My Love", even without his guitar. And, thankfully, there was no dancing.

Random thought: Randy Travis has the whitest teeth I have ever seen. I bet they aren't really his. He's no spring chicken. And what is up with his wife's hair? I don't think it's really hers. I see a theme here...

Did anyone else feel the end of the world was imminent when Adam Lambert and Randy Travis inhabited the same room? And then the middle eastern version of "Ring of Fire" started, and I thought, yes, indeed, Armageddon is upon us. Have I mentioned that he creeps me out a little? Cause he does.

This is the first night where I was really impressed with Scott MacIntyre's performance. I not only forgot that it was a country song, but for a moment, I forgot that he looks a lot like the Greatest American Hero.

I love me some Danny Gokey. That said, if I never hear "Jesus, Take the Wheel" again, it will be too soon. Nevertheless, I love me some Danny Gokey. And his cool glasses and snazzy white jacket.

Another random thought: Wow, Paula's cleavage is really out there tonight. It might be a ploy to distract people from her complete incoherence. Just a thought...

Anoop, Anoop, thank you for saving country night for me. In the way Chris Daughtry brought it with "Walk the Line" on his season, you brought it tonight with "You Were Always on My Mind". I'll even forgive you for allowing the steel guitar in the arrangement. I heart you, Anoop. I can't explain it, but I do.

Why is Megan Corkrey now just referred to as Megan Joy? Another ploy to distract me from that awkward dance that she insists upon doing every week.

I will admit that I have never heard the Carrie Underwood version of "So Small", because people, I don't listen to country music. But, I like Matt Giraud's version. A LOT. Heck, I like Matt Giraud. A LOT.

While I think Michael Sarver was the weakest performance tonight, it would just be wrong for him to go home on country night. I think we'll lose another girl because they're just not on the same level as the guys this season. It should be Megan, for obvious reasons, but it probably won't. The judges made sure she got her share of sympathy votes by continually reiterating that she was sick. I think it'll come down to Allison and Alexis because Lil ain't going anywhere.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Wheel of Fortune is like a Drug

Apparently my 17 month old little boy has the soul of an 80 year old grandma. His "can't miss TV": Wheel of Fortune. Who knows if the draw is Pat and Vanna, spinning the wheel or turning the letters? Maybe he's really a genius and is guessing the puzzles... All I know is he is enthralled by it and will stop whatever he's doing to sit and watch it.

Here's proof...
There is some serious thinking going on there.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

American Idol, Top 13

And this one shall now be known as "The One Where We Proved White Boys Can't Dance"

Last night was Michael Jackson night, and I cannot express the joy that filled my heart when I heard that. There are few artists that can bring about such brilliance and shame all at the same time as MJ. I was all a-tingle with the possibility of moonwalks and inappropriate crotch-grabbing. There were opportunities for career making moments and career breaking moments, and it was television gold.

Alas, there was no moonwalking or crotch-grabbing. I left feeling a little jipped. Jacko is synonomous with moonwalking and crotch-grabbing. Okay, this is taking a vaguely inappropriate turn here. So, I'm moving on.

The good...

Kris Allen did a bang-up job on "Do You Remember the Time?". I'm now glad he made it through. However, dude don't need to dance. Granted, he was behind a guitar so that might have hampered his moves. But, somehow, I don't think so.

Of all the contestants this season, Adam Lambert is the one most cut out to sing Michael Jackson. And he brought it with "Black & White". But I gotta say, there is something about him that makes me think Spinal Tap. It might be the way that he feels he must scream in every song. I don't know. Just saying...

"Human Nature" is one of my favorite MJ songs, and Matt Giraud did not disappoint. Loved it! Even though I got mad last week when I thought he made it in over Anoop (whom I will address momentarily), I'm completely over that now, which I'm sure has helped Matt sleep through the night.

I have made it no mystery that Danny Gokey is THE MAN. He rocked it with "PYT". A-Maz-Ing! And yes, I'm ignoring the fact that he was totally the inspiration for the subtitle of this episode.

Alexis Grace closed the show with "Dirty Diana", and it was a show-stopper. She is slightly disconcerting to me. But totally in a good way. She is this teeny little thing with this huge voice. I liked it. Sue me.

The bad...

While I thought Lil Rounds did a decent job on "The Way You Make Me Feel", who helped her with her outfit? Seriously, girlfriend is from the south, why would she break the cardinal rule of fashion and wear white before Easter? And don't get me started on the ruffle shirt. What part of that outfit spoke to her and said "Wear me for Michael Jackson night"? Cause it lied. Big time.

Jorge Nunez could not have chosen a worse song than "Never Can Say Goodbye" and honestly, I think his eyebrows are going to overtake his entire face before he leaves this competition. Really.

And I stand corrected on the worse song chosen comment. Because that award clearly goes to Megan Corkrey. Rockin' Robin? Seriously? How could that have seemed like a good idea? And to actually "caw" at the end? Are you kidding me? And by the way, that white girl can't dance either. And apparently, "quirky" is now the new word for "unbelievably awful". Who knew?

Anoop, let me talk directly to you (as I'm sure you read my blog on a daily basis). You disappointed me last night. It's okay. I still believe in you. Perhaps "Beat It" wasn't the best choice for you. You could have made it better if you had moonwalked or spun around and grabbed your crotch. (Okay, okay, I'm letting the crotch-grabbing go now.) But, that's water under the bridge. Let's just try to do better next week. M'kay?

And the ugly...

Why, again, did we need a fourth judge? To take up more time in between songs? Can someone explain this to me? Anyone?

You would have thought in a 2 hour show that Paula could come up with one coherent comment. But, no. Not a single coherent thought. And what was up with those bracelets? I'm all about bringing some bling, but that was above and beyond. Way beyond.

And can the judges be any more obvious that they want the girls to stay in the competition a little longer? Honestly! Why do I think this new rule change will somehow benefit them? Veto, anyone?

So my picks of who should be packing up and going home... Jasmine Murray and Jorge Nunez. That's who I feel should go. If the new "rule" comes into play, Jasmine Murray will be safe, and we'll see 2 guys going.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Sibling Love

I know these days are short and will be gone before I know it. I'm glad I captured it on film, so I can show them in 10 years that they did love each other at one time.

By the way, I know they are off center. I would like to say I did it for the artistic quality, but really, I'm just that bad of a photographer. If anyone would like to give me lessons or at least show me what some of those other buttons on my camera do, I would be totally up for it.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

American Idol, Top 36, Round 3

And this one could be dubbed "The One with the People I Thought I Didn't Like, and What Do You Know? I Really Can't Stand Them".

Topping that list would have to be Nathaniel Marshall. I didn't like his first audition. I couldn't stand him during Hollywood week (Hello, "The Anchor Holds"? Ray Boltz? That anchor ain't holding anymore...), and I disliked him even more last night. If that's possible, which I'm not entirely sure it is. I was actually glad to hear that he was singing Meatloaf, because guess what? I don't like Meatloaf either! Paula actually had her first (and maybe only) relevant comment of the season when she compared Nate to Boy George. And that is NOT a compliment.

Next up on my list of people that I thought I didn't like, but then realized that I couldn't stand was Kristin McNamara. Probably a lot of my distaste for her is by association since she was in the same group with Nate "Boy George" Marshall during the group round. But then she whipped out a big band version of Tracy Chapman's "Give Me One Reason", and I disliked her completely for her. Tracy Chapman and big band, they don't mix.

My dislike for Jorge Nunez originated with his scarf wearing during Hollywood week. Last night, it was his eyebrows. I swear it was like two caterpillars attached to his face. Shallow? Perhaps, but that's how I roll. It really had nothing to do with his singing because I actually thought he did a pretty good job with Elton John's "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me". But I just can't get past those eyebrows. But I do like saying Jorge over and over again. Jorge. Say it with me. Jorge. If we have another kid and its a boy, I might totally name him Jorge. Or not.

I'm not a total hater...there were a few that I did like. I loved Ju'Not Joyner! Loved him. Loved the way he sang "Hey There, Delilah". Loved that he didn't bring his son because he might "touch something". Loved that he made a joke about getting a shot in his butt on national television. Loved him. Yeah...

I wanted to like Scott MacIntyre. I love me some Bruce Hornsby and the Range. I love me some "Mandolin Rain". I thought it was a great song choice. I seriously think every season that someone ought to sing that song. So, yay for him for bringing it! However, I really didn't think he did a great job on it. And, I really don't think that will matter.

Lil Rounds was capital A - Awesome. She did sound a lot like Mary J. Blige, but then few people can claim that. Plus she has three kids. And she has a booty, and she ain't afraid to flaunt it. Cause in case you missed it, the booty was pretty prominent last night in that dress. And as someone carrying around a bit of junk in her own trunk, I can appreciate that.

Lil Rounds will take the girl's spot, and Scott MacIntyre will take the guy's spot. The third spot? I have no clue, but it's a pretty safe bet that I won't like them. Unless it's Ju'Not, and I love him...

A Deep Thought on the Bachelor...AKA an Oxymoron.

I was going to write a humorous, sarcastic blog about the finale of "The Bachelor" last night because it is so worthy of that. It produced many zingers that I was looking forward to sharing. But the more I think about it, there are bigger fish to fry here.

Something Burge said last night triggered a deep thought in my mind. What exactly he said, I don't remember (there's some irony in that, me thinks), but what it triggered was how Jason's actions last night really mirrored society's view of love and commitment. I know, I know, it's really a stretch to be comparing reality television with the real world. But, you work with what you've got. And what I've got right now is a lot of reality television.

Jason kept saying last night that after he proposed, the "chemistry" between he and Melissa changed. Now, let me go ahead and get the sarcasm out of the way here...Really?? You mean, when you left New Zealand and dream dates and fantasy suites? When you reentered the real world of work, your own home, your son and the mundane things of everyday life? Things changed? No kidding?? It's called REALITY! Dream dates, fantasy suites, engagement rings you could never afford on your own is not real life! Real life is having a bad day at work, Ty having a stomach virus and Melissa with PMS...all at the same time.

Which leads me to the comparison...Society has forgotten what love is. Love is not tingling in your toes or butterflies in your stomach. Those are all feelings. Love in its purest form isn't a feeling that you have (and therefore can lose), it's an action. A decision, even, that you make everyday to fully respect the other person, to do what is best for that person, even if it means your wants go on the back burner. Love is a commitment.

You see, feelings can be manipulated. True love doesn't manipulate. Love is something you fight for, as Melissa pointed out last night. Real love doesn't leave. I hope Jason finds what he's looking for (although I'm not sure that is possible), and I'm sure Melissa will look back on this and know that it worked out for the best. Cause, girlfriend, you are so better off.

Well, then...pardon me for just a moment while I step off my soapbox. Tomorrow, we'll be back to the light and lively side of life with a deconstruction of American Idol. Please come back...