Thursday, July 15, 2010

An Afternoon of Non-Fun

Have you ever heard the expression, “That was about as much fun as a root canal”? Well, I am going to shatter that myth today. I can almost guarantee that whatever they are comparing to a root canal is most certainly more fun than a root canal. On a scale of 1 to 10 in fun-ness, a root canal falls somewhere around a –347. If you were to make a list of all things in order of fun, it would be right above running over your own dog. In other words, it’s not fun. At all.

Ask me how I know. You remember that toothache that had been bothering me? That led to a trip to the dentist on Monday, which led to a root canal yesterday, which will lead to yet another trip to the dentist in a few weeks for a crown. See? The lack of fun just never stops! And guess what else? I got to PAY for all this non-fun! As a matter of fact, I’m betting I’ll be paying for this un-fun for several months. It’s truly the gift that keeps on giving.

I was pretty anxious about the whole procedure. I don’t really have a fear of the dentist, but I don’t particularly enjoy having other people’s hands in my mouth (there’s some more non-fun!). So, I was a little nervous going in. Then, as I was filling out my paperwork, I noticed they had the radio tuned to a Christian talk radio station. I am in no way, shape or form dogging Christian talk radio. But, talk radio in general is pretty much never my choice of entertainment (more non-fun! You get to listen to someone talk while other people have their hands in your mouth!). This particular talk radio program was featuring a man talking about when things don’t go as planned. I can certainly relate to that, after all, there I sit about to have a root canal. Not part of my plan. But then, he mentions how his wife has had 2 oral procedures done in the last 2 months and neither of them worked. What?? Did I really need to hear that? I’m already anxious, sitting here about to have an oral procedure done, and you’re telling me that it’s possible that it could not work? I could have it twice and it still not work? Oh, the irony.

After 4 shots to deaden my mouth to work on one tooth (which, by the way, I greatly appreciated. By all means, make sure that I can’t feel whatever you are doing with all those instruments you are being sure to keep out of my line of sight.), they started the procedure. A few minutes in, the hygienist tells me that if I need her to suction my mouth to raise my hand. Then the dentist chimes in, “Don’t wait until you’re about to drown.” This was humorous because they had just given me 4 shots in the mouth! You could have been stabbing me with an ice pick and I wouldn’t have known it. How exactly was I supposed to know if I was overflowing with drool?

Anyway, the whole thing took about 45 minutes, and I left the office with a lighter wallet and a completely numb right side of my face. So what did I do next? Well, I was in Gadsden, so of course I went to Aldi. Honestly, I figured that a little facial paralysis wouldn’t make me stand out too much from the normal crowd at Aldi. Heck, I could have drool running down the side of my face and I wouldn’t draw much extra attention there. At least I got to go without any kids.

Basically I could’ve summed up this long, rambling tale with one short equation… Root canal = No fun. So there you go.

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